Write Me Up

Just writing. Maybe someone will read it.

Who are these people? May 26, 2019

Filed under: General Blog-tastic Writings — Dorothy Lynn @ 8:45 pm

They are overwhelmingly positive and supportive of others, even in high stress situations.

They show mostly love on social media platforms, no matter the age, race, gender.

They call out other people in their group who are behaving badly, who don’t represent what they stand for.

They always try to do their best to be kind and loving.

So who are these people???

BTS Army.

No for real. I’m not joking here. This thought really got to me this week. I love BtS and am definitely ARMY (my sister called me out on it after I had a dream about RM being my space boyfriend 😂…I have crazy hilarious dreams)

But I am constantly surprised by the fact that BTS fans are so…..kind.

Have you ever seen YouTube video comments? It’s like troll kingdom over on the Tube. But…not on bts videos. Comment after comment of “aw I love this!” And ” our boys are so awesome!” And “they really helped me during tough times, take care of yourselves everyone!”

What? That never happens. And even when fans are crappy to each other, other ARMY call them out on it and shut it down IMMEDIATELY. Saying, no way, that is not how we want people to see BTS or their fans. We are better than this as humans.

This. This makes me happy. But it also makes me incredibly sad.

And here is why. Because I am a Christian. And I see in the BTS fandom what Christianity in my country SORELY lacks.

How often do I see Christians (mostly in the online world)

-acting with complete love and acceptance for others?

-only contributing positive feedback and comments?

-shutting down other Christians who are being hateful?

-saying, nope, that is not what God is about, that is not a good representative of Christ.

I just….I’ve been thinking about it.

I’m not hating on my Christian friends and family online. And I actually do know a lot of Christians who do really well with showing these good qualities. But in so many places I see overwhelmingly the opposite, and it breaks my heart to pieces.

We can do better. If random people from all over the world can come together and support each other just through a mutual love of a musical group, transcending language and cultural differences to support and help each other, then how much more should we, as Christians, be able to come together and do this??? When we are claiming to follow the God of the universe who loves us and died for us???

Where did we go so wrong, guys?

*disclaimer: I love my church family and I really do know and see a LOT of amazing Christians do great work in real life. This is mostly aimed at the social media interactions and images that we put out there where everyone can see.

Bottom line: people are WATCHING. if you say you follow a God who loves us, but don’t show love, even in your words typed in an internet browser, no one will ever believe you.

I don’t really believe that actions speak louder than words anymore. If your words are full of hate, then your actions will be empty to everyone who sees them.


World building April 23, 2019

Filed under: General Blog-tastic Writings — Dorothy Lynn @ 8:50 pm

You know what is really cool about fiction books? (Well, I guess all books, but fiction in particular this is applicable)

One person has an idea in their head, and they begin to build an entire world around this idea. Sometimes it is extremely elaborate (I’m looking at you Tolkien, Mister, I can’t write my story until I have the entire linguistic history of its whole world….). Sometimes it is more thrown together, but either way, it comes from the mind of one person. Then, when it is shared, it grows exponentially as more people experience it.

Take the wizarding world created by J. K. Rowling. That started as a thought in her brain. And now? Now the entire world references it as if were real, all the while knowing it is just made up. We even have a theme park!!! This concept is crazy to me! That one human can think of an idea, and it can take off and explode into the minds of millions of others, and become a reality to them.

I love it so much.

I want my worlds to spread to others too. 😊


Character sketches April 19, 2019

Filed under: General Blog-tastic Writings — Dorothy Lynn @ 9:57 pm

I wish I was better at drawing so I could ACCURATELY draw what I see in my head if my characters.

Instead I have to rely on words. Which honestly, is only going to help me when i am working on the story, but it is still a bit frustrating.

I have some really cool characters in this novel, but they are so confusing to explain when people ask me about them.

Today I was writing out some details of the different people groups, and I literally thought to myself…”but what kind of clothes would a salamander wear?” 🤔🤔🤔

Really though I’m a bit stumped here, so any help would be appreciated.

My new deadline for finishing this draft is September. It was going to be later, but some things are kind of up in the air with my job that actually pays me, so I want to have a workable draft by then. I’m at the point in my life where I actually like the work I am doing, and I’m not exhausted and stressed at the end of each work day. And i don’t want to go back to that now that I’ve experienced how it feels to do something I love. It’s scary, but out of all the craziness and changes and running and moving that has happened in my life, the one constant is that I always have stories in my head. And more and more I’m accepting it as the part of myself that I need to nurture and cultivate so that I can share those stories with others. So. Workable full draft by September. Wish me luck, three people that maybe actually read this, and world of the barely visible, lost blog posts.

Maybe someday a reader will find it 😂

Here’s a picture of my cat because why not.


Finding April 14, 2019

Filed under: General Blog-tastic Writings — Dorothy Lynn @ 10:21 pm

Looking back at some old posts,

And even more than before, I

Realize that I am a different person


Maybe it is the way I’ve

Been broken and pieced

Back together one too

Many times

Maybe it is the tearing

Of my body through the birthing

Of two children

Maybe it is the crushing

Of my mind and spirit

From being ground down and

Forgotten one too many times.

Who is this person

That lightheartedly posted

Beautiful photos

Every Friday?

Who is this person

That enjoyed tea

And wrote frivolously about

Roommates and burly man-friends?

It is not me. Do I want

It to be me again?

I don’t know.

Either way, it never could be.

She is dead, buried

Under piles of laundry undone

And crumbled Cheerios

And words left unsaid

And words screamed that should

Never have been said

She will never return.

Who will the new person be?


Back to it

Filed under: General Blog-tastic Writings — Dorothy Lynn @ 10:04 pm

legit haven’t written anything on here for two and a half years


legit am super depressed about my life right now


legit know that I need to keep writing and finish my book


legit am pretty sure the world will never read this and never care about anything I’ve ever written


legit heartbroken


legit gonna write anyway



-a really bad poem by a depressed me.




Nanowrimo 2016 November 4, 2016

Filed under: General Blog-tastic Writings — Dorothy Lynn @ 9:42 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

I am attempting nanowrimo  again, and so far it is going very well! It’s only day four, and I’ve written over 6000 of the required 50,000 words, I’ve commissioned my friend Heidi Black to do the cover art for me, and I realized that writing every night is not only an easy habit to maintain so far, but also a refreshing and fun one too!!! 

Here is a short synopsis of the story. The title is The Inheritance. 
 Set in a world where the different races have animal-like abilities and characteristics, the Inheritance tells the stories of six different people who are searching for their chance to survive in a land that is hostile and unforgiving to those that are different. It follows the lives of the Halfers, children of mixed races, who have the physical characteristics of their parents, but not the abilities, and it tells of each races’ struggles against each other and ultimately against the dreaded Absorbers who can take away anyone’s inheritance at will.

And here is a short excerpt. ( I actually have some bits of this story on previous blog posts too, but they have already changed a little bit now that I’m reworking it.)
 “I am so sorry, brother.” She didn’t know what else to say. How could she explain to him her feelings? She didn’t know what it was like to be stuck between two worlds, to look beautiful, but accomplish nothing, to live in a place where everyone knows what you are and who you are, and no one appreciates you. Her school taught her to pity these Half-people, but what she felt right now wasn’t pity. SHe felt anger. Anger that her brother had no place in life, no safety, and now, no way to even help his family.

 “Welten, when they raided, was anyone else hurt?” Shaash shivered to think of what could happen to all the little ones in the camps.

 Welten smiled grimly. “Thankfully no. Father was amazing. Before they…before they caught him, he killed almost half of their raiding party. He was amazing.” His eyes glistened. 

 “I wish I could see him. To tell him thank you,” Shaash replied. “I wish…I wish I could stay longer.”

 “Can’t you?” Welten whispered. “Please, Shaash-la. I know it is forbidden, but, Woona, she did it before. She came on a day that wasn’t visiting day. She stayed for a whole year before. Couldn’t you, just, sneak away?”

 Shaash’s eyes grew wide. “Welten-Lo, you do not know what it is you ask. the only reason my-our– mother was allowed to return to the lake after her yearlong absence was because of me. It is not in our culture to abandon children.”

 “It isn’t?” The hurt radiated from his eyes. “Don’t you mean it’s not in your culture to abandon fullblood children?”

 “What do you mean?”

 “Shaash, if you could only see what it is like to live in the real world, not in your safe little bubble. If only you knew…” Welten’s voice trailed off. He sighed and ran his hands through his shoulder length, reedy hair. His hair looked just like Woona’s. Shaash looked into his eyes, and saw her own eyes staring back. 


The hardest part  April 20, 2016

Filed under: General Blog-tastic Writings — Dorothy Lynn @ 10:35 pm

Finally the birth story! It has been almost exactly two months since she was born, and I’ve had lots of time to think about it. I didn’t really want to write about it at first because I was kind of traumatized, if I’m perfectly honest with myself, and I didn’t really know what else to say about it except how incredibly hard it was. All of that is still true but I have a little bit more perspective now. 

My labor actually started on her due date, so I was all excited and expected her to come soon. My experience of seeing babies being born was from watching my sister in labor and all of her children came out in less than a day, so I expected the same. Boy oh boy, I was in for a surprise. 

Thirty-six hours, people. THIRTY. SIX. HOURS. 

Yeah, it sucked. When I started having painful contractions at my hotel, I stopped eating solid food because, you know, you’re supposed to try and not have lots of potential substances in your bowels. Well, that was a mistake because I didn’t end up eating anything for the next thirty or so hours. 

I went to the hospital, didn’t progress at all, and they sent me back to the hotel, with a sleeping pill and told me to get some rest. I was tired, so I tried laying down, but kept having horrible contractions. It felt like someone was squeezing me and stabbing me from the inside, all up and down my abdomen. Not pleasant. So I took a hot bath and dozed in the tub for a couple of hours. I then went back to the hospital because my contractions were still horrible. 

From then on it was basically just twenty four hours of consistent pain every few minutes, but nothing moving forward. Just lots of pain. 

Now, I am a very stubborn person. I could have probably opted for an epidural sooner, but I was stubborn so I didn’t want to. I thought that the pain had to be doing something so I just sucked it up. I was very stupid in my foggy labor induced pain. 

Now to the positives of this. When I got to the hospital the second time, there was a nurse named Maria working. She was AMAZING. She helped me move around, and tried basically everything she could think of to get the baby moving along. She even had essential oils to help me calm down and relax during my contractions. She was firm and explained how to best relax during the pain, and she was kind and straightforward. Plus, she spoke Spanish and was just generally wonderful, someone I would probably want to be friends with. I cannot even begin to explain how grateful I am for that woman, who I had never met before. 

Another amazing woman that I am so glad was there was my mom. When I first got pregnant I was so scared I would have to go through labor without my mom. I’m glad to say that didn’t happen. She was there beside me the whole time, helping me out and calming me down. It would have been about ten times more traumatizing without her. 

After about twenty four hours of this craziness, Maria came into the room and helped me stand up to go to the bathroom. (Peeing while in labor is so difficult and unpleasant, let me tell you). I was sitting on the toilet, in horrible pain, and my muscles wouldn’t even relax enough to let me pee. It was so horrible and I just wanted to cry. Maria sat down in front of me, as I was exhausted on the toilet, in my hospital gown, all sweaty and smelly with my hair matted in its braid. She looked me in the eye and said, listen honey, are you SURE you don’t want to just get an epidural? We have to move things along for the baby and I think it will help you so much. You are not weak for getting one. 

I looked at her and said I think I might. I did, for some reason, have this thought in my head that doing it without pain meds was Steiger and better. That is so wrong. After that I apparently asked my mom if I should get one, but I literally have no memory of that. I got ready, and Maria held me still while the anesthesiologist gave me the epidural. Let me tell you, it is really hard to hold perfectly still for a person to put a giant needle in your back while you are having a contraction, but somehow I did it. 


Okay, maybe not instant but it definitely was pretty fast. I finally was able to sleep and relax, and long story short, baby was there!!! 

Haha just kidding it was still another ten or so hours. Like I said I slept for some of that, but when I started getting harder contractions it was the strangest sensation. With an epidural you can still move your legs, but they are numb, like when you go to the dentist and they numb you and you lips can move but you can’t feel them. But for me, for some reason the medicine wore off on one side of my body. It was really weird. 

The pushing process is honestly the most physically exhausting thing I have ever done in my entire life. Part of that is because of how long I was in labor, but still, it was so much work. It didn’t really hurt, because of the meds, but there was so much pressure and movement and frustration. I could feel things happening but I just wanted it to be done. 

Another thankful moment: my mom again and my sister in law. My husband’s sister Jean wanted to be in the delivery room, and I didn’t care who was there, so I said yes. She was with me at most of my ultrasounds and I got to really know her because I had to go to Sitka all the time for my appointments. Well, I am so incredibly glad she was there because she and my mom stood on either side of me, and they let me mutilate their arms while I was pushing. I held on to them so tight, that the next day she came to visit and said her arm was sore!!! She is awesome and I love that she was there. I’m also grateful that her daughter Donna was there to see it all. She wanted to stay in the room and I remember her standing there watching while I pushed. For some reason she was a calming presence.

Back to the story, the baby finally came!!!! 

It was messy and I tore in three places, probably because the last push I just wanted it to be over. The doctor had told me two more pushes, so I really took that to heart and made it happen! 😉 but because of that, I bled. A lot. Apparently the doctor was a bit nervous, but I was so relieved to be done and see my girl that I didn’t care. I even asked her about the stitching up process while she was doing it! I’m a weirdo. But looking back, I am so thankful I live with modern technology. If not, I probably would have been in labor for WAY longer. And honestly, without the medical knowledge that exists today, I could have died. Something as simple as stitching up a little torn blood vessel is so vital in that moment, and you really don’t realize the magnitude or seriousness of having a baby until you are there and you experience it. 

Now for the reflection. 

Like I said in my first baby post, it is hard. Super hard. Like, I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to do it again hard. Labor is traumatizing, and I had a relatively good one because of all the love and support I was given. I can’t even imagine doing it by myself. 

But without all of it, Helen wouldn’t be here. Honestly, it took me awhile to feel that gush of love and affection people say you have. Of course I loved her right away, but I was so tired that I wasn’t really overwhelmed by it, more just relieved. And as a tiny newborn, it was still hard because she was so fragile and needy, and it was scary and exhausting to take care of her. But little by little every day, her personality comes out more, and she gets stronger and more beautiful, and I can’t even imagine my life without her. She was always meant to be here. 

And maybe, just maybe, she will get a sibling someday. Once I forget a little bit more about that crazy labor. 


The third trimester March 10, 2016

Filed under: General Blog-tastic Writings — Dorothy Lynn @ 5:45 pm

I know that most people say that their second trimester is the easiest, but for me at least, the third was easier than the second. I think that I was finally used to being pregnant and I was getting in the groove of doing things while pregnant, even if it was harder to do them because I was pretty huge. I didn’t actually feel huge until I went to Sitka to wait to have the baby. I also had some funny encounters with kids during this trimester too. I work at a school, mostly with elementary students, so they are very candid and curious about the whole pregnancy thing. One of my students was sitting next to me in class, working quietly, when he asked me, “well, how did the baby even get IN there in the first place?” (This was a second grade boy, mind you). I just laughed and laughed and told him to ask his mom when he got home. He wasn’t too pleased with my answer. This same student also seemed to forget I was pregnant and told me I needed to work out more when I couldn’t keep up with him while playing four square. I told him he should try playing it with a giant basketball in his belly and see how he did. His eyes got really wide, and he said, “oh. I guess that would be hard.” Those are just a couple of the encounters, and I can’t even keep track of how many kids were all surprised when I said I was pregnant (even with my huge belly). 

So here is the fun part about being pregnant when you live in a village in southeast Alaska. You can’t just wait until things happen naturally and stay at home until the last minute. We only have a clinic here in town, and no major medical facilities, so in order to actually deliver the baby, the doctors send you to wait either in Sitka or Juneau at around 37 weeks. That’s right. Three weeks before my due date, I had to pack up a bunch of stuff, and my husband and I went and stayed in a hotel in Sitka to wait for the baby to come. and since it was my first baby, we were there the full three weeks. 

don’t get me wrong, hotel stays are fun, but not for long term. It was BORING. I colored a lot, and walked a lot, and spent a lot of money because we got tired of hotel food and sandwiches. The one nice thing about having to leave town is that the rest is excellent. I could sleep in every day and not have to worry about going to work, and the weather was pretty awesome while we were there, so I got to explore a lot of Sitka. Plus we got to spend time with family there, and my parents got to see it for a little while too because they arrived a few days before I had the baby. 
I have to say the strangest part of this time was feeling my belly get bigger literally every day, and then feeling the baby drop lower and lower. Walking was extremely difficult by the end because all of my muscles and tendons and bones and ligaments from my abdomen to my thighs felt like jello. Things were popping and creaking and stretching, which was good for actually having the baby, but it sure does feel strange when you try to walk. However, I never really got so uncomfortable that I wanted her out (I mean, until I was in labor). I was just really tired of not being at home, and I wanted to see her face. I started labor right on her due date, but that will be the next installment.

Baby’s first fashion headband. 


The second trimester  March 2, 2016

Filed under: General Blog-tastic Writings — Dorothy Lynn @ 9:43 pm

The second trimester 
It just occurred to me that boiling down three months into me blog post is quite strange, but considering that my pregnancy was pretty smooth and fairly uneventful, it seems sufficient.
Anyway, the second trimester was, well, uneventful. Here is a list of some of the highlights.

1) wicked, WICKED heartburn. (See pictures of my girl, and it explains why. So. Much. Hair)

2) growing belly, but surprisingly little amount of stretch marks

3) working while being pregnant. This one is interesting. I was a little concerned that my boss would freak out a bit, but she was very supportive and excited for me. (Her denial and slight freaking out didn’t come until about two weeks before I had to stop working, haha)

4) being physically tired all the time. I say physically, because it really was mostly just my body that was tired. I wasn’t very social during this time because after work my body was just so tired. Thankfully I had an hour break in the afternoon in between my jobs that really helped.

5) lots of ultrasounds. So, my daughter didn’t want to cooperate with the ultrasounds and it took about four tries to get all the measurements they needed. This meant four trips to Sitka on the airplane, because I live in a little village and doctors appointments require travel. This also meant that I missed a lot of work, which the school was not happy about, but it all worked out okay. 

6) riding on a small airplane while pregnant= having to use sick bags. Yeah, I actually really enjoy flying, but while I was pregnant, it was like instant sick. Even on just a half an hour flight. Thankfully, the engines are so loud that no one could hear me “calling a dinosaur” as my husband calls it. 

7) as soon as I started showing, people got super protective of me. Now, I understand there are all kinds of guidelines for how much you are supposed to lift and move and do while pregnant, and working in special Ed, I certainly had to limit my activities, but I have to say that I started to get annoyed at people being so cautious around me. During this trimester, I could actually still do quite a bit without any discomfort, so I didn’t quite like the tiptoeing around me. I did appreciate the concern and support though.
That’s pretty much it. Pretty smooth going! Next time will be about my last few months and the weird process of what you have to do when having a baby in rural Alaska. 



The First Trimester February 26, 2016

Plans change immediately when you get pregnant. Kelly and I had been kind of trying for awhile to get pregnant, but not to the point of planning everything out. I just am blessed to have a very very regular cycle so I could know when would be good.Anyway, I knew right away that I was pregnant because of my regular cycle, and I was about to go to Jumeau at the time to help with Nations, a college age group that comes to Kake every summer. 

I was so SO hungry for those first couple weeks, but also incredibly tired. My body just would not function, even though my brain was okay. This was the first time that I felt kind of guilty about being pregnant. Everyone was super happy for me and very understanding, but I had gone up to Juneau to help out, and I just couldn’t function. And when I got back home to Kake it was even worse. I was supposed to lead some morning Bible studies, and I wanted to spend time with the group, and do summer activities like berry picking and hunting and fishing which are really important here, but I literally couldn’t do anything except sleep and eat crackers, and watch Bones on TV. (That was weird, the blood and guts of the crime show didn’t bug me while I was nauseous all the time)

I knew that all of this was considered normal, but I still felt so incredibly guilty, and also it was the first time that I realized that having a kid was going to change my life in ways I never even thought about before. I am very independent, and my job involves being around kids basically all day, but when I come home, I can do what I want, when I want it. Looking back now at those first parts of pregnancy, I can see the beginning of realization that I wasn’t my own person anymore, and that I was going to have to learn a lot of new things.

I still am learning— I want to do all kinds of things this summer too, but I know I will be limited because of having a kid now. But I’m learning not to feel guilty about it, or to be too disappointed. I hate letting people down, but sometimes building relationships is more important than being successful at a job, or getting ahead in life, and my daughter is teaching me that.

  Though I will say that taking care of a newborn is exhausting, boring, and wonderful all at the same time, and that makes absolutely no sense. 

Just like most relationships I guess.