I started writing a story that i really like. Of course, since I really like it, i probably will pamper it too much. But I wanted to put just a little bit of it on here to hopefully get some feedback. It is not enough to know what the story is completely about, but I am more looking for comments on style and the flow of it.
There was pressure coming from everyone. Pressure to continue her research. Pressure to fix her relationship with Jack. Pressure to stop her experiments. Pressure building on all sides, conflicting pressure, pressure that pushed her to the ground and up to the sky and blew her around like one of those poor insects that flies off a windshield after desperately trying to cling to it in spite of fifty mile-per-hour winds.
The sun hit the top of her head, heating her dark hair so that it radiated its own warmth. She thought about this heat and pressure, imagining it coming to a climax and pouring out of the top of her sunlit head in a cloud of steam, like a train. She pictured her face red, with a comic look, her ears making a whistling noise. If only she could release it all that easily, absorb it and channel it. She couldn’t though. They wanted her to decide. Decide what? To shut down her mind? To stop recording her thoughts? To stop telling the world what she found? And Jack. So many voices about him. These voices came in whispers, not screams, like the others about her work. These voices spoke in the eyes of her students, in between the lines of the articles of her critics, murmuring in pictures and news stories. These voices were the ones that she feared most, because what if, after everything she had said and done, what if these voices were true? They couldn’t be true though, because Jack would never lie to her. Unless he couldn’t lie. Unless she had made it so that he believed it now too.
It was unbearable, the sun racing down to hit her on the head, trying to burn her scalp. She couldn’t stand it any longer, this torturing heat. She picked up her coffee and walked back to her car, blinking hard in spite of her sunglasses. This sun! When did it get so bright? Her brain felt like a stew, bubbling and churning gray matter with thoughts tumbling up and down and around like bits of carrots and potatoes, with the sun heating it all until it threatened to overflow.