Since I’ve posted poetry twice already this week, I’ll continue to upset my own pattern and NOT do a poem today. Instead, I’m just going to ramble a bit.
I know blogs aren’t quite the place for journaling, but sometimes I process better if I can get feedback.
I’m having some problems getting back into my book. I know where I want to go with it, but I’m at a weird standstill where I have no motivation to jump back in even though I want more than ANYTHING to finish the draft.
I have this picture in my head of what my life will feel like once I’ve finished this book. Of course, every artist has delusions of grandeur, as well as a disillusioned sense of what actually will happen, which is not grand at all, but I have a strange feeling, that in spite of all of my doubts, people will maybe want to read this thing I’m writing. So gosh darn it, I need to finish it! Why can’t I?
There are numerous possibilities:
1) I care a lot about my job, but it makes me tired, so I use that as an excuse to not write when I get home.
2) I get distracted when I should be writing by various things–usually in the form of Netflix.
3) I’m still overwhelmed by how much freaking work it takes to finish a book!!!! Cheesh!!!!
4) I don’t have an actual deadline, and procrastination only works when there are consequences for not finishing something on time.
The first two are stupid. The second two are more legitimate. Mostly, I think it would help me to have a real deadline, but since fiction doesn’t really sell until you have a finished draft, I’m kind of stuck in a weird catch-22 moment. I probably just need to get some more self-control and write. Or hire someone to beat me up if I don’t finish by a certain time, like that guy in the Pink Panther movies that hides in Inspector Clouseau’s house and attacks him when his guard is down. Okay, that may not be the best option, but I’m seriously contemplating something of the like, because I’m very stuck right now. Very, very, very, very stuck.
For now, I’m trying to kick start my imagination and artistic motivation by crossing mediums and dabbling in some painting, drawing, and jewelry making. I’m also reading some weird scifi books and calling it research. I need some new music though. Any suggestions would be welcome.