Write Me Up

Just writing. Maybe someone will read it.

The First Trimester February 26, 2016

Plans change immediately when you get pregnant. Kelly and I had been kind of trying for awhile to get pregnant, but not to the point of planning everything out. I just am blessed to have a very very regular cycle so I could know when would be good.Anyway, I knew right away that I was pregnant because of my regular cycle, and I was about to go to Jumeau at the time to help with Nations, a college age group that comes to Kake every summer. 

I was so SO hungry for those first couple weeks, but also incredibly tired. My body just would not function, even though my brain was okay. This was the first time that I felt kind of guilty about being pregnant. Everyone was super happy for me and very understanding, but I had gone up to Juneau to help out, and I just couldn’t function. And when I got back home to Kake it was even worse. I was supposed to lead some morning Bible studies, and I wanted to spend time with the group, and do summer activities like berry picking and hunting and fishing which are really important here, but I literally couldn’t do anything except sleep and eat crackers, and watch Bones on TV. (That was weird, the blood and guts of the crime show didn’t bug me while I was nauseous all the time)

I knew that all of this was considered normal, but I still felt so incredibly guilty, and also it was the first time that I realized that having a kid was going to change my life in ways I never even thought about before. I am very independent, and my job involves being around kids basically all day, but when I come home, I can do what I want, when I want it. Looking back now at those first parts of pregnancy, I can see the beginning of realization that I wasn’t my own person anymore, and that I was going to have to learn a lot of new things.

I still am learning— I want to do all kinds of things this summer too, but I know I will be limited because of having a kid now. But I’m learning not to feel guilty about it, or to be too disappointed. I hate letting people down, but sometimes building relationships is more important than being successful at a job, or getting ahead in life, and my daughter is teaching me that.

  Though I will say that taking care of a newborn is exhausting, boring, and wonderful all at the same time, and that makes absolutely no sense. 

Just like most relationships I guess. 


Babies February 24, 2016

Filed under: General Blog-tastic Writings — Dorothy Lynn @ 2:49 pm
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I had one. Yup, I pushed one out. It was INSANE. seriously that is the best word to use to describe it. But I’m getting a little bit ahead. 

Since I will be at home for quite awhile, both from just simple recovery reasons and because I’m learning how to take care of my daughter, I’m going to do a few posts about different stages of having a kid and being pregnant and share things that people don’t always share. I wanted to do this during my whole pregnancy, but I kind of like having the retrospection now. 

First one:

Pregnancy and giving birth is really really REALLY hard. 

I had a really smooth pregnancy. There were no complications, she was always healthy at checkups, and I was able to work and do things during my entire pregnancy. 

That being said, it was still super hard, and when she was born, and I saw her face for the first time, that hardness didn’t just get forgotten. Maybe I’m the exception to this, but so many moms say,”oh when you see your baby none of that will matter. You will just be so in love!”

I think that’s silly. I remember every single difficulty, and I think that is what makes it so much more special. I’m not going to forget the wicked heartburn and my almost 36 hour labor time or the pain of breastfeeding the first week. Those things are important and I think it is there to remind me that having a kid is a big commitment. 

And yes, the adrenaline and endorphins that were pumping through me when I finally did see her made me ignore certain things, like the blood and pain, but I felt it afterward! 

I’m not trying to be pessimistic or a downer here, but I just see so many moms and pregnant women gushing about the beauty of pregnancy and childbirth, and maybe it is just my personality, but that made me feel really inadequate while I was pregnant. There were only a few people who were really honest with me about how hard it is, and I would rather have that then the sappy memes about how much I will love my baby. 

And now that she is here, I do love her so much. And it is much harder than being pregnant. And I’m going to tell people that because she is worth it.