Write Me Up

Just writing. Maybe someone will read it.

Who are these people? May 26, 2019

Filed under: General Blog-tastic Writings — Dorothy Lynn @ 8:45 pm

They are overwhelmingly positive and supportive of others, even in high stress situations.

They show mostly love on social media platforms, no matter the age, race, gender.

They call out other people in their group who are behaving badly, who don’t represent what they stand for.

They always try to do their best to be kind and loving.

So who are these people???

BTS Army.

No for real. I’m not joking here. This thought really got to me this week. I love BtS and am definitely ARMY (my sister called me out on it after I had a dream about RM being my space boyfriend 😂…I have crazy hilarious dreams)

But I am constantly surprised by the fact that BTS fans are so…..kind.

Have you ever seen YouTube video comments? It’s like troll kingdom over on the Tube. But…not on bts videos. Comment after comment of “aw I love this!” And ” our boys are so awesome!” And “they really helped me during tough times, take care of yourselves everyone!”

What? That never happens. And even when fans are crappy to each other, other ARMY call them out on it and shut it down IMMEDIATELY. Saying, no way, that is not how we want people to see BTS or their fans. We are better than this as humans.

This. This makes me happy. But it also makes me incredibly sad.

And here is why. Because I am a Christian. And I see in the BTS fandom what Christianity in my country SORELY lacks.

How often do I see Christians (mostly in the online world)

-acting with complete love and acceptance for others?

-only contributing positive feedback and comments?

-shutting down other Christians who are being hateful?

-saying, nope, that is not what God is about, that is not a good representative of Christ.

I just….I’ve been thinking about it.

I’m not hating on my Christian friends and family online. And I actually do know a lot of Christians who do really well with showing these good qualities. But in so many places I see overwhelmingly the opposite, and it breaks my heart to pieces.

We can do better. If random people from all over the world can come together and support each other just through a mutual love of a musical group, transcending language and cultural differences to support and help each other, then how much more should we, as Christians, be able to come together and do this??? When we are claiming to follow the God of the universe who loves us and died for us???

Where did we go so wrong, guys?

*disclaimer: I love my church family and I really do know and see a LOT of amazing Christians do great work in real life. This is mostly aimed at the social media interactions and images that we put out there where everyone can see.

Bottom line: people are WATCHING. if you say you follow a God who loves us, but don’t show love, even in your words typed in an internet browser, no one will ever believe you.

I don’t really believe that actions speak louder than words anymore. If your words are full of hate, then your actions will be empty to everyone who sees them.

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World building April 23, 2019

Filed under: General Blog-tastic Writings — Dorothy Lynn @ 8:50 pm

You know what is really cool about fiction books? (Well, I guess all books, but fiction in particular this is applicable)

One person has an idea in their head, and they begin to build an entire world around this idea. Sometimes it is extremely elaborate (I’m looking at you Tolkien, Mister, I can’t write my story until I have the entire linguistic history of its whole world….). Sometimes it is more thrown together, but either way, it comes from the mind of one person. Then, when it is shared, it grows exponentially as more people experience it.

Take the wizarding world created by J. K. Rowling. That started as a thought in her brain. And now? Now the entire world references it as if were real, all the while knowing it is just made up. We even have a theme park!!! This concept is crazy to me! That one human can think of an idea, and it can take off and explode into the minds of millions of others, and become a reality to them.

I love it so much.

I want my worlds to spread to others too. 😊

 

Character sketches April 19, 2019

Filed under: General Blog-tastic Writings — Dorothy Lynn @ 9:57 pm

I wish I was better at drawing so I could ACCURATELY draw what I see in my head if my characters.

Instead I have to rely on words. Which honestly, is only going to help me when i am working on the story, but it is still a bit frustrating.

I have some really cool characters in this novel, but they are so confusing to explain when people ask me about them.

Today I was writing out some details of the different people groups, and I literally thought to myself…”but what kind of clothes would a salamander wear?” 🤔🤔🤔

Really though I’m a bit stumped here, so any help would be appreciated.

My new deadline for finishing this draft is September. It was going to be later, but some things are kind of up in the air with my job that actually pays me, so I want to have a workable draft by then. I’m at the point in my life where I actually like the work I am doing, and I’m not exhausted and stressed at the end of each work day. And i don’t want to go back to that now that I’ve experienced how it feels to do something I love. It’s scary, but out of all the craziness and changes and running and moving that has happened in my life, the one constant is that I always have stories in my head. And more and more I’m accepting it as the part of myself that I need to nurture and cultivate so that I can share those stories with others. So. Workable full draft by September. Wish me luck, three people that maybe actually read this, and world of the barely visible, lost blog posts.

Maybe someday a reader will find it 😂

Here’s a picture of my cat because why not.

 

Finding April 14, 2019

Filed under: General Blog-tastic Writings — Dorothy Lynn @ 10:21 pm

Looking back at some old posts,

And even more than before, I

Realize that I am a different person

Now

Maybe it is the way I’ve

Been broken and pieced

Back together one too

Many times

Maybe it is the tearing

Of my body through the birthing

Of two children

Maybe it is the crushing

Of my mind and spirit

From being ground down and

Forgotten one too many times.

Who is this person

That lightheartedly posted

Beautiful photos

Every Friday?

Who is this person

That enjoyed tea

And wrote frivolously about

Roommates and burly man-friends?

It is not me. Do I want

It to be me again?

I don’t know.

Either way, it never could be.

She is dead, buried

Under piles of laundry undone

And crumbled Cheerios

And words left unsaid

And words screamed that should

Never have been said

She will never return.

Who will the new person be?

 

Back to it

Filed under: General Blog-tastic Writings — Dorothy Lynn @ 10:04 pm

legit haven’t written anything on here for two and a half years

 

legit am super depressed about my life right now

 

legit know that I need to keep writing and finish my book

 

legit am pretty sure the world will never read this and never care about anything I’ve ever written

 

legit heartbroken

 

legit gonna write anyway

 

 

-a really bad poem by a depressed me.

 

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Nanowrimo 2016 November 4, 2016

Filed under: General Blog-tastic Writings — Dorothy Lynn @ 9:42 pm
Tags: , , , , ,

I am attempting nanowrimo  again, and so far it is going very well! It’s only day four, and I’ve written over 6000 of the required 50,000 words, I’ve commissioned my friend Heidi Black to do the cover art for me, and I realized that writing every night is not only an easy habit to maintain so far, but also a refreshing and fun one too!!! 

Here is a short synopsis of the story. The title is The Inheritance. 
 Set in a world where the different races have animal-like abilities and characteristics, the Inheritance tells the stories of six different people who are searching for their chance to survive in a land that is hostile and unforgiving to those that are different. It follows the lives of the Halfers, children of mixed races, who have the physical characteristics of their parents, but not the abilities, and it tells of each races’ struggles against each other and ultimately against the dreaded Absorbers who can take away anyone’s inheritance at will.

And here is a short excerpt. ( I actually have some bits of this story on previous blog posts too, but they have already changed a little bit now that I’m reworking it.)
 “I am so sorry, brother.” She didn’t know what else to say. How could she explain to him her feelings? She didn’t know what it was like to be stuck between two worlds, to look beautiful, but accomplish nothing, to live in a place where everyone knows what you are and who you are, and no one appreciates you. Her school taught her to pity these Half-people, but what she felt right now wasn’t pity. SHe felt anger. Anger that her brother had no place in life, no safety, and now, no way to even help his family.

 “Welten, when they raided, was anyone else hurt?” Shaash shivered to think of what could happen to all the little ones in the camps.

 Welten smiled grimly. “Thankfully no. Father was amazing. Before they…before they caught him, he killed almost half of their raiding party. He was amazing.” His eyes glistened. 

 “I wish I could see him. To tell him thank you,” Shaash replied. “I wish…I wish I could stay longer.”

 “Can’t you?” Welten whispered. “Please, Shaash-la. I know it is forbidden, but, Woona, she did it before. She came on a day that wasn’t visiting day. She stayed for a whole year before. Couldn’t you, just, sneak away?”

 Shaash’s eyes grew wide. “Welten-Lo, you do not know what it is you ask. the only reason my-our– mother was allowed to return to the lake after her yearlong absence was because of me. It is not in our culture to abandon children.”

 “It isn’t?” The hurt radiated from his eyes. “Don’t you mean it’s not in your culture to abandon fullblood children?”

 “What do you mean?”

 “Shaash, if you could only see what it is like to live in the real world, not in your safe little bubble. If only you knew…” Welten’s voice trailed off. He sighed and ran his hands through his shoulder length, reedy hair. His hair looked just like Woona’s. Shaash looked into his eyes, and saw her own eyes staring back. 

 

The hardest part  April 20, 2016

Filed under: General Blog-tastic Writings — Dorothy Lynn @ 10:35 pm

Finally the birth story! It has been almost exactly two months since she was born, and I’ve had lots of time to think about it. I didn’t really want to write about it at first because I was kind of traumatized, if I’m perfectly honest with myself, and I didn’t really know what else to say about it except how incredibly hard it was. All of that is still true but I have a little bit more perspective now. 

My labor actually started on her due date, so I was all excited and expected her to come soon. My experience of seeing babies being born was from watching my sister in labor and all of her children came out in less than a day, so I expected the same. Boy oh boy, I was in for a surprise. 

Thirty-six hours, people. THIRTY. SIX. HOURS. 

Yeah, it sucked. When I started having painful contractions at my hotel, I stopped eating solid food because, you know, you’re supposed to try and not have lots of potential substances in your bowels. Well, that was a mistake because I didn’t end up eating anything for the next thirty or so hours. 

I went to the hospital, didn’t progress at all, and they sent me back to the hotel, with a sleeping pill and told me to get some rest. I was tired, so I tried laying down, but kept having horrible contractions. It felt like someone was squeezing me and stabbing me from the inside, all up and down my abdomen. Not pleasant. So I took a hot bath and dozed in the tub for a couple of hours. I then went back to the hospital because my contractions were still horrible. 

From then on it was basically just twenty four hours of consistent pain every few minutes, but nothing moving forward. Just lots of pain. 

Now, I am a very stubborn person. I could have probably opted for an epidural sooner, but I was stubborn so I didn’t want to. I thought that the pain had to be doing something so I just sucked it up. I was very stupid in my foggy labor induced pain. 

Now to the positives of this. When I got to the hospital the second time, there was a nurse named Maria working. She was AMAZING. She helped me move around, and tried basically everything she could think of to get the baby moving along. She even had essential oils to help me calm down and relax during my contractions. She was firm and explained how to best relax during the pain, and she was kind and straightforward. Plus, she spoke Spanish and was just generally wonderful, someone I would probably want to be friends with. I cannot even begin to explain how grateful I am for that woman, who I had never met before. 

Another amazing woman that I am so glad was there was my mom. When I first got pregnant I was so scared I would have to go through labor without my mom. I’m glad to say that didn’t happen. She was there beside me the whole time, helping me out and calming me down. It would have been about ten times more traumatizing without her. 

After about twenty four hours of this craziness, Maria came into the room and helped me stand up to go to the bathroom. (Peeing while in labor is so difficult and unpleasant, let me tell you). I was sitting on the toilet, in horrible pain, and my muscles wouldn’t even relax enough to let me pee. It was so horrible and I just wanted to cry. Maria sat down in front of me, as I was exhausted on the toilet, in my hospital gown, all sweaty and smelly with my hair matted in its braid. She looked me in the eye and said, listen honey, are you SURE you don’t want to just get an epidural? We have to move things along for the baby and I think it will help you so much. You are not weak for getting one. 

I looked at her and said I think I might. I did, for some reason, have this thought in my head that doing it without pain meds was Steiger and better. That is so wrong. After that I apparently asked my mom if I should get one, but I literally have no memory of that. I got ready, and Maria held me still while the anesthesiologist gave me the epidural. Let me tell you, it is really hard to hold perfectly still for a person to put a giant needle in your back while you are having a contraction, but somehow I did it. 

INSTANT. RELIEF. 

Okay, maybe not instant but it definitely was pretty fast. I finally was able to sleep and relax, and long story short, baby was there!!! 

Haha just kidding it was still another ten or so hours. Like I said I slept for some of that, but when I started getting harder contractions it was the strangest sensation. With an epidural you can still move your legs, but they are numb, like when you go to the dentist and they numb you and you lips can move but you can’t feel them. But for me, for some reason the medicine wore off on one side of my body. It was really weird. 

The pushing process is honestly the most physically exhausting thing I have ever done in my entire life. Part of that is because of how long I was in labor, but still, it was so much work. It didn’t really hurt, because of the meds, but there was so much pressure and movement and frustration. I could feel things happening but I just wanted it to be done. 

Another thankful moment: my mom again and my sister in law. My husband’s sister Jean wanted to be in the delivery room, and I didn’t care who was there, so I said yes. She was with me at most of my ultrasounds and I got to really know her because I had to go to Sitka all the time for my appointments. Well, I am so incredibly glad she was there because she and my mom stood on either side of me, and they let me mutilate their arms while I was pushing. I held on to them so tight, that the next day she came to visit and said her arm was sore!!! She is awesome and I love that she was there. I’m also grateful that her daughter Donna was there to see it all. She wanted to stay in the room and I remember her standing there watching while I pushed. For some reason she was a calming presence.

Back to the story, the baby finally came!!!! 

It was messy and I tore in three places, probably because the last push I just wanted it to be over. The doctor had told me two more pushes, so I really took that to heart and made it happen! 😉 but because of that, I bled. A lot. Apparently the doctor was a bit nervous, but I was so relieved to be done and see my girl that I didn’t care. I even asked her about the stitching up process while she was doing it! I’m a weirdo. But looking back, I am so thankful I live with modern technology. If not, I probably would have been in labor for WAY longer. And honestly, without the medical knowledge that exists today, I could have died. Something as simple as stitching up a little torn blood vessel is so vital in that moment, and you really don’t realize the magnitude or seriousness of having a baby until you are there and you experience it. 

Now for the reflection. 

Like I said in my first baby post, it is hard. Super hard. Like, I wasn’t sure I ever wanted to do it again hard. Labor is traumatizing, and I had a relatively good one because of all the love and support I was given. I can’t even imagine doing it by myself. 

But without all of it, Helen wouldn’t be here. Honestly, it took me awhile to feel that gush of love and affection people say you have. Of course I loved her right away, but I was so tired that I wasn’t really overwhelmed by it, more just relieved. And as a tiny newborn, it was still hard because she was so fragile and needy, and it was scary and exhausting to take care of her. But little by little every day, her personality comes out more, and she gets stronger and more beautiful, and I can’t even imagine my life without her. She was always meant to be here. 

And maybe, just maybe, she will get a sibling someday. Once I forget a little bit more about that crazy labor.