Write Me Up

Official writing with some random thoughts

Babies February 24, 2016

Filed under: General Blog-tastic Writings — Dorothy Lynn @ 2:49 pm
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I had one. Yup, I pushed one out. It was INSANE. seriously that is the best word to use to describe it. But I’m getting a little bit ahead. 

Since I will be at home for quite awhile, both from just simple recovery reasons and because I’m learning how to take care of my daughter, I’m going to do a few posts about different stages of having a kid and being pregnant and share things that people don’t always share. I wanted to do this during my whole pregnancy, but I kind of like having the retrospection now. 

First one:

Pregnancy and giving birth is really really REALLY hard. 

I had a really smooth pregnancy. There were no complications, she was always healthy at checkups, and I was able to work and do things during my entire pregnancy. 

That being said, it was still super hard, and when she was born, and I saw her face for the first time, that hardness didn’t just get forgotten. Maybe I’m the exception to this, but so many moms say,”oh when you see your baby none of that will matter. You will just be so in love!”

I think that’s silly. I remember every single difficulty, and I think that is what makes it so much more special. I’m not going to forget the wicked heartburn and my almost 36 hour labor time or the pain of breastfeeding the first week. Those things are important and I think it is there to remind me that having a kid is a big commitment. 

And yes, the adrenaline and endorphins that were pumping through me when I finally did see her made me ignore certain things, like the blood and pain, but I felt it afterward! 

I’m not trying to be pessimistic or a downer here, but I just see so many moms and pregnant women gushing about the beauty of pregnancy and childbirth, and maybe it is just my personality, but that made me feel really inadequate while I was pregnant. There were only a few people who were really honest with me about how hard it is, and I would rather have that then the sappy memes about how much I will love my baby. 

And now that she is here, I do love her so much. And it is much harder than being pregnant. And I’m going to tell people that because she is worth it.  

 

 

In light of the debate, and people’s argumentative and disheartening responses… July 1, 2014

“It is precisely women’s experience of God that this world lacks. A world that does not nurture its weakest, does not know God the birthing mother. A world that does not preserve the planet, does not know God the creator. A world that does not honor the spirit of compassion, does not know God the spirit. God the lawgiver, God the judge, God the omnipotent being have consumed Western spirituality and, in the end, shriveled its heart.”
― Joan D. Chittister

Props to my best friend for finding this quote. The problem with our society is not that we have issues and need to debate them. The problem is that we need God so badly. We need to learn to love one another and see each other the way our Creator sees us. Until that happens, nothing will change. Arguing does no good. Keep your beliefs. Explain them to people. But be kind, be compassionate, and women, be the woman that you are—relational, nurturing, wise, independent, and powerful. I am a Christian and I am a feminist. It is possible to be both, and I believe that when a person truly sees God, they also see other human beings in the right way too. Stop arguing and start listening.

 

For Marilyn April 9, 2014

Filed under: General Blog-tastic Writings — Dorothy Lynn @ 11:26 pm
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The more I learn to love people, the more I realize that every other feeling grows with the growth of love. Love is the overarching emotion, and even emotion is not the right word for it, because love is more than just emotion. It is a bond, a knot, a string tying the lives of people together, a physical sensation, and a spiritual event. That is why no one can really capture it in words, why it never goes out of style, why art and culture and civilization revolve around it. Deeper love means deeper joy. Deeper love means deeper anger. Deeper love means deeper sorrow.

In the past couple of years, I have had a few sorrows thrown into my life, most of them revolving around this beautiful little village in the middle of southeast Alaska. But as my love for the place grew, so did my sorrow for what has happened there. Then, not only the place, but the people. Then, not just the people in general, but one person more than anyone I’ve ever loved before. He is my best friend. He is strange and rough and crazy and loving and kind and caring. Soon he will be my husband. And today he lost the most important woman in his life—his mom.

And I don’t know what to do. For the first time in my life, I have absolutely no idea what to do. And I know that I can’t really do anything, because nothing will fix it. I am a fixer, a problem solver. I see the most complex problems and immediately I analyze them, study them, and try to figure out a way to fix them. But when I encounter something unsolvable, something like poverty, corruption, evil, death—I avoid it. I turn around and try not to focus on it because I know that I can’t change it. It’s selfish of me. I care about the problems in the world around me, but I don’t invest myself too much in the lives of others, because then I will have to own the fact that I can’t really solve their problems. But with him, I can’t avoid this. I have to face it, because he is my person. With other people, I almost always pull away when I know I have to, when I am leaving, or things are changing, or things get hard. I don’t even really do it on purpose, I think it is just selfish instinct. But with him, I could never do that. I just can’t. It would be wrong in every possible way, because I love him so much. But that makes me realize too that it is wrong every time that I pull away from others simply because I can’t mastermind a way out of their problems.

Ultimately, this means that EVERYTHING has to change. I can’t run away from sorrow anymore. I have to own it, and feel it, and admit that I can’t fix it, which means that I can’t run away from anyone ever again. Deeper love for one person makes me see that I am more afraid of love than I ever thought, but it also makes me see that I have more potential to be close to people than I ever thought. And in the middle of this horrible helplessness, I am grateful, so so grateful, that I have had the opportunity to even experience these feelings, this love and this sorrow. He and his family have helped me to see people so much more clearly.

Gunalcheesh, thank you, Kelly. I love you, and I love your family, and thank you for dragging me out of bed and taking me to meet your momma and papa at 7:30 in the morning after I hadn’t showered for four days. Thank you for taking me to your home during christmas so I could spend time with your family. Thank you for loving your momma so much and taking care of her and staying strong for your family. You are a good man, and I know she is so proud of you.

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On love April 3, 2014

Filed under: General Blog-tastic Writings — Dorothy Lynn @ 1:42 pm
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“The world moves for love. It kneels before it in awe.”
-Edward Walker, The Village